August 27, 2026
Today felt heavy, but I am learning that heavy days are often where the healing happens.
I’ve been making it to the gym 4 or 5 days a week lately. It’s been a lifeline for my mental health. Every time I step into the red light sauna, the tears just start falling.
It isn’t a breakdown anymore, it’s become a sacred release: a quiet portal leading me out of heartbreak and into healing.
Last night, I finished mixing and mastering a song I freestyled called Sorry For You. On the surface, it’s just a song, but underneath, it’s the processing of a long, toxic relationship.
(Press play and read along 🎧)
A 7-minute window into unlearning familiar pain.
For years, I thought what I felt was love. I’m only now realizing it was just pattern recognition and familiarity. Psychologists call it repetition compulsion: the subconscious drive to recreate our unhealed wounds hoping to finally fix them.
My ex reminded me of my father, and the chaotic nature of our dynamic mirrored my childhood. Subconsciously, my mind equated that familiar pain with love.
Growing up, my mother’s suffering was obvious. I remember listening to the yelling and fighting from my bedroom, only for her to walk downstairs moments later wearing sunglasses in the middle of the night, telling my brothers and me she was “going to the store.” We all learned the pattern. Her experience with domestic violence was a roaring storm. You couldn’t miss it. Mine, however, was a silent whisper, so subtle I didn’t even realize I was being consumed by it.
Domestic abuse isn’t always physical. Sometimes it’s a quiet imprint on your subconscious that takes years to unlearn.
I am writing these entries, producing this music, and creating art to give a voice to those who feel unheard, and to redeem the inner child who suffered for so long. I may not call myself a “writer,” but I am writing.
As I type this, the tears are coming again, but they feel different now. They are reminders that those nine years were just a chapter in my book, not the whole story. Better days and brighter years are ahead, and I’m finally ready for them.
~ Jane
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Jane Threesixteen 
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